For amusement purposes only—no wagering!—I present the All-Cole Starting Eleven:

A. Cole     G. Cole     C. Cole     A. Cole     M. Cole     N. Cole

J. Cole     M. Cole

A. Cole     D. Cole

Jake Cole

You’ll note the unusual 2-2-6 formation, hearkening back to the early days of the game. Probably not the best way to play in the Premier League, but I didn’t have the heart to play anyone too far out of position. (Although you could argue that the players who are retired, and the one who is deceased, are playing out of position in an entirely different way.)


Andy Cole (ex-Manchester United, now coaching at Huddersfield Town)
Gary Cole (former Australian international and A-League director, currently unemployed)     Carlton Cole (West Ham, active)
Allan “Skill” Cole (ex-Jamaican international, early star of NASL)
Michael Cole (Ipswich Town, Fulham; scored 8 goals in 90 league games in a 7-year playing career)
Norman Cole (Southampton; deceased)


Joe Cole (English international who is at West Ham again; active)
Mitchell Cole (played on West Ham’s youth team, became a journeyman pro, retired for health reasons)


Ashley “Cashley” Cole (English international, Chelsea left back)
Darren Cole (ex-Rangers, sacked)


Jake Cole (Plymouth Argyle, active; spent a half-dozen years as second-choice keeper at QPR)


Eddie Cole (played left back for the NFL’s Detroit Lions)
George Cole (some bloke from Gambia; midfielder)
George Cole (promising midfielder in the Chelsea youth academy)